I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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