I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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