You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
