Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
