I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
