apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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