I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
