that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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