they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
