In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what day is it and did you see me today?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
