even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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