I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
