She announced her abortion via fbk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
