I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
