She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
