You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
