Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize