anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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