After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
