Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize