What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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