He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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