I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
