the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
