Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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