i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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