We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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