yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
