I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
