Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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