we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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