living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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