I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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