Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
