I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize