having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
