Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
