I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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