i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
