we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
