why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
