She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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