we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
