don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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