rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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