Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
