At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
