you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
