zippers are such a cool invention
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
