loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
