I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
