sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh god it's open bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
