R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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