just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a search helicopter?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
