I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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