Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
